I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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