I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
