I cannot find my penis.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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