Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize