he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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