Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
