i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
