My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
