well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
