So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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