I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
