Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
