____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
