we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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