His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize