What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize