My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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