he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
