so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's rum buckets o'clock
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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