apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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