And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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