Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize