Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
