ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Randomize