I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize