your thong is hanging out like whoa
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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