I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
