yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
