My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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