Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
