My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my being single is dangerous.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
