Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
