he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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