I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
