My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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