That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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