it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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