Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
