So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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