Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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