This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
