I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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