3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
