Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
