never play flip cup with pint glasses
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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