My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
