You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
