there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
