Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize