John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
