so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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