My Higher Power is John Stamos
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
