Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
