There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
