Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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