So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize