It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
