Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
