I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
