I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
