11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
