Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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