This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
