Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
